so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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