the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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