i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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