We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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