I faked an abortion last night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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