I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
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There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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