your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize