Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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