So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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