i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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