absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize