Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize