Moan for me like Helen Keller
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize