so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize