you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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