I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
God, I missed his penis.
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