Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
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What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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