Only a mothe r could love this liver
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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