did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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