call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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