Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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