Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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