trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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