Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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