i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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