I think my vagina is haunted
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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