Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize