I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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