I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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