I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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