Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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