i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize