Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
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Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
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I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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