JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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