Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize