i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize