it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
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Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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