My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
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Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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