Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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