At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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