He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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