hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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