It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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