I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
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So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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