i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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