considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just high enough for therapy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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