Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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