Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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