the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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