I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
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he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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